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Lots and lots of 'why' questions help us find out interesting and useful things Why? It’s a powerful question. And the superpower of knowing your why is that it gives you a very strong sense of purpose. I’ve been asking ‘why?’ since I discovered books existed. My thirst for understanding the why of things was endless (to my mother’s annoyance). I remember being particularly perplexed about why an elephant was named ‘elephant’ and why there are different ways to say the same thing. Innate curiosity has at times been a curse. I was often reminded as a child to remember my place and mind my own business because not everyone wants to be questioned or challenged, especially not adults by a curious child who thought she was being helpful. Thankfully, being curious and asking why became one of my superpowers, my primary superpower, in fact. It fuels so much of what I do and why I do it. It drives me to learn, have a growth mindset and help other people do the same through my work as a coach. Many powerful coaching questions start with what – What’s on your mind today? What are you looking to achieve? What are the barriers to achieving that? What do you want instead? What else? But some of my favourites start with why – Why is that important to you? Why do you think that is? Why are you focusing on this? Why not? Why? Because I find they evoke deeper thinking. Why questions create space to look with open curiosity at motivation, assumption, reason and purpose. And they challenge the reactive or automatic things we think and do constantly, without stopping to understand why we do them or how they serve us. Curiosity isn’t just powerful in coaching, as Amanda Lang’s book, The Power of Why , shows. It’s something that can help us ‘overcome long-standing barriers’ so we can be happier and more fulfilled. Simon Sinek has made a career out of starting with Why . Good for him, he is amazing. His why is powerful but kind. Deceptively simple, but highly persuasive. He has this knack of lasering in and voicing what people are thinking and doing so in a way that makes you think, ‘why wouldn’t I?’ So, why are you doing what you are doing? Is it through habit or purpose? Is it because you haven’t thought about it or because you think it will be too hard to change? Why is a good question to be asking ourselves on a frequent basis. It keeps us focused on the important things, acting with intention and doing the things we want to do because we know why we are doing them. If you’d like someone to help you work out why you are where you are and what might be next, or if you’d like to be challenged to step out of your comfort zone (in a gentle but robust way), why not get in touch and see where a session of Career Therapy could take you? Click on Book a call on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk   Why not follow me for more confidence boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk You might also be interested in my article on trusting your gut instinct . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience... and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control .  Black question mark photo Arek Socha on Pixabay Orange question mark photo Planet Volumes

Working from home, I spend a lot of time with my dog, Grace. She’s great – cute, energetic, a bit needy and sometimes demanding. Watching her, she’s been a surprising source of inspiration on how to be present and enjoy life more - and how to be more confident. So here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from my dog. Here’s what she’s shown me: 1. Be present and enjoy the here and now The past has gone and we can’t change it. We can learn from it, but there’s no point hanging on to it, wishing things had been different. The here and now is what matters. 2. Enjoy the simple, fun things Find pleasure in simple things. Take a moment to smile at a kitten video, message a friend or just relax with a cup of coffee and enjoy the moment, feeling fully present. 3. Be excited about what’s to come Know what makes you happy and make time to do it. It doesn’t have to be running after a stick or jumping in mud, but book things in to look forward to. Enjoy the simple things in life, being in the moment and experiencing joy 4. Know your routine Freedom is great. It’s liberating. But having a routine can be liberating too and it’s a sure-fire way to get your basic needs met. It also gives you things to look forward to. 5. A task done well = a reward Give yourself a pat on the back when you’ve done something well or met a deadline. Working at home, it’s hard to get feedback or acknowledgement, so learn to be your own coach and hand out the treats. 7. Take a break when you need one Grace lies down when she’s tired. Wherever that may be. We all need to recharge our batteries and, personally, I do my best work in short, concentrated chunks of time. Sitting at a desk for 10 hours is actually counter-productive; it’s far better to have mini breaks and wander about to reset your focus. 8. Stretch Sitting at a desk in your home office (or at your dining table) isn’t great for your posture, so, like Grace, stretch each time you get up. Maybe give yourself a good shake, too. 9. Don’t let the kitten take your bed OK, so this last one isn’t quite so pertinent, but the point is, sometimes you need to stand your ground and let people know there are boundaries. What have you learned from your pets that could help you in your personal or professional life? If you'd like to look at how to be more present and learn some simple strategies, why not book a free intro call with me and see where some Career Therapy can take you? Click on 'Book a call' on the website for a free intro call or email me:  louise@careertherapy.co.uk   Why not follow me for more confidence boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk   And check out my blog on why Mindfulness isn't just for hippies . There's also this article I enjoyed on how you and your dog can learn to relax together... If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Black dog photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash Playing dogs photo by Matt Jones on Unsplash

Are you like a car racing around an endless track? Zipping along with the finish line in sight isn't the only way to be productive and effective at work. And what if there isn't a finish line and your focus is simply racing around the work track? What if you slowed down - or even stopped? A friend was updating me on working for a new client and she said: “He wants to sit around and talk… I keep thinking, ‘Shouldn’t we be getting some work done?’” It made me smile and I responded: “That is work. I sit around, listen and talk to people – it’s called being a sounding board. How else do you generate fresh thinking and better perspectives?" Making and taking time to talk, to listen, to share ideas, to process, to develop – all of these things are “working”. In my experience, people underestimate the value of making time to stop, listen and talk, but it’s a fundamental part of how we come up with the best (not first or fastest) solutions. It's certainly how I help people move forward in their work and careers when they've got stuck just racing around the track. In an increasingly busy world, it's vital to press pause and just...stop. For a bit. Breathe, assess and move forward recharged knowing you have clarity and can act with purpose to you maximise the return on investment for your efforts. It's not slacking off. It's acting with purpose, which is a time and effort saver. It never ceases to surprise me how little time people allow themselves to ‘think and reflect’ on well, anything. They are so busy being busy and doing, doing, doing, racing around the track that they aren't investing in analysis to assess if what they are so busy racing around doing is actually the optimal activity. It's true with my clients who all too often have been so busy doing, doing, doing that they look up one day and realise they took a wrong turn and ended up in a career cul-de-sac or they feel unfulfilled, under-appreciated and just...stuck. They haven't invested in strategy. They aren't checking in with themselves to ask "Am I going in the right direction? Am I where I want/need to be?" No wonder they find themselves stuck or going around in circles! And I know how that happens and feels, it's what happened to me. And it's not just in our career that this can happen, as this article in Psychology Today points out, " Thinking-time also facilitates thoughtful big-picture solutions. We tend to just put one foot in front of the other and before we know it, years have passed and we're in that same career, relationships, or have the same approach to living, when thinking-time might have helped us realize that we need a change, perhaps a major one." So, go on. Take some time to think. Regularly. You, your life and your career deserve it - and it will ensure you don't get stuck. Great thinkers did it and it worked for them so take some time to think . Whilst you are thinking, ask yourself: Am I happy with my career? Are I where I want to be? And if not, where would I like to be? What do I want more/less of? And invest in some time to think with a thinking partner, a sounding board, like me, who can help you find the right questions to ask and how you answer them to get you on track and accelerate your progress. My Taking Time to Think blog can help too. Get in touch for a free chat and let's see how some space to think and being asked the right questions for your situation can help you recharge your career so you can zip along with purpose, not just speed. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk More thinking, less racing. What's stopping you? If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo Steve Johnson for Unsplash+

Speak up - to yourself - to build confidence and a stronger sense of self “I want to say thank YOU. You have helped me tremendously. I particularly liked the exercise to record myself in front of the mirror!” I recently received this feedback from a happy client. She wasn’t happy a few weeks ago, though. She’d been pummelled in relentless rounds of interviews (12 rounds – I ask you!?) and then didn’t get the job. Worse, they took her ideas and didn’t even say thank you. So, feeling very low, she asked for a pep talk. I encouraged her to reconnect with her most successful self. We talked about moments when she had soared, was full of confidence and had achieved great things. I then asked her to go and talk to that woman in the mirror. She blinked. Then she stared at me. On a roll, I asked her to not only go and talk to that fabulous, happy, successful woman in the mirror, I asked her to record it. And she did. What she found was that my pep talk was helpful. Someone focusing on her strengths, reminding her what she was good at, what she loved. But her conversation with herself was the most powerful. She’d never talked to herself that way. Had never heard what she sounded like when her voice filled with confidence and passion lit up her face. I help all kinds of people with their communication skills – presentations, job interviews, giving feedback – and it’s interesting how many people don’t know what they sound like. And, more so, how many people don’t want to know. But whilst we can be our own greatest critic, we can also be our greatest fan. Self-coaching. Free, simple and very, very powerful. Why not go and try it and boost your career confidence? And if you feel you need a pep talk before or some help practising, then get in touch to start that conversation with your best self. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . And this one by Jim Dunn on self-reflection as a tool for growth . Photo by Alena Jarrett on Unsplash

The grass isn't always greener somewhere else. It's greenest where you water it I’d be happier if… I’ll be happier when… If only I had… It’s easier for them… You’re lucky… We hear these phrases a lot. It appears to be part of the human condition that we envy the lives we think others live, especially now in an age of envy-inducing unrealism seen every day on social media. But if wishes really were horses, then a lot of us (especially after the seemingly endless post-covid confinement) would be saddled up and riding off into our fantasy sunset. Daydreaming about a different life or fantasising about ‘what could be…’ are fine, good even at times when you need to switch off from a difficult situation, but… We have to remember that fantasies are not and rarely will be real. That’s the point of them. At an underwhelming 5’ 2” tall (about 1.58m), I’d LOVE to be taller. I dream of it (often), but it’s NEVER going to happen. I know this but it doesn’t stop me sighing in envy as those with just a few more inches in height look down at me. I don’t think my life would be that much better if I were taller (OK, well I do a bit, I am human after all) and so I don’t let it define my self-worth. It’s taken counselling, time and coaching, but I now live by the idea of: Change what you can change and have the grace to accept the things you can’t. Serenity Prayer (Even if it makes you feel churlish and you need to have a good sulk about it). Why? Because your grass is greener than you think. What I do and encourage others to do is move away from the idea that it’s easier for other people. It’s not. Well, it might be, but struggle is relative, and everyone has their own hills to climb. What I do know to be true is that the grass is not greener over there. The grass is greenest where you water it. Make time to look at the state of the grass where you are. It’s easy to dismiss after our home-bound covid experience where we’ve become overly familiar, bored and dismissive about our situation, craving something (anything) new and more . But try to look at your grass with fresh eyes. What do you appreciate about it? What could you appreciate more? What could you do to make that patch of grass grow and be greener? Maybe once you think about it for a while, the grass might look pretty good already and just needs a feed to freshen it up. If you need help seeing how green your grass is, why not try a session of Career Therapy? I can help you assess where you are and help you sow the seeds you need to make your grass even greener. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . And this article from Four Thousand Mondays on looking inside before outside to find your green grass. Photo by  Ochir-Erdene Oyunmedeg  on Unsplash

Learning how to speak up is a critical career skill Have you ever received feedback that you need to speak up more in meetings and contribute your point of view? Then this post will help you. I’m working with a client, let’s call her Tracey, who is a technical expert and head of engineering in a scale-up company. She’s very knowledgeable in both her area of specialism and on people management/leadership (she’s cited as “the best manager” in the business), but as the start-up company has grown into a scale-up, her voice and impact at a senior level have shrunk. Recent performance feedback shows she needs to be more present, interacting with her peers and the business’s leaders, so they hear her point of view. But Tracey isn’t one to speak for the sake of it. She is reflective in nature, likes to gather all the information and process it to draw conclusions. So, chiming in on a flowing conversation is uncomfortable for her and she is concerned that providing another point of view might not show her as supportive to colleagues. Part of the challenge is that Tracey has retreated to her comfort zone as other specialists have joined the business. She wants to give them space to get established and feels letting them speak more is good for them, but she also admitted that she feels intimidated that they are arriving from big-name start-ups and she has been there a while. So, how did I help Tracey learn how to speak up? Firstly, I asked Tracey to articulate what her strengths are and what she is known for. By focusing on her brand and documenting how she generates positive impact, we reconnected her to her self-confidence. It helped her to understand that while product managers arriving from other start-ups bring new ideas, she is the one who translates those ideas into functioning products and creates long-term value to the business and its clients. Secondly, I suggested to Tracey that she think of speaking up in meetings in three formats: Observation – This is where she can show she is following the conversation and help enable her own and others’ understanding. It’s also a way to challenge others’ thinking without being confrontational. It sounds like: “ That’s interesting, how did you get from A to B? ” or “ That’s a useful perspective, can you walk us through how you see that feeding into X plan? Information – Here, Tracey can contribute her technical and business expertise. It sounds like: “Just to connect the dots, that plays well into how we are building out X.” or “ To expand on that, this approach will make use of X capability and help expand on Y. ” Validation – This is where Tracey adds her support and showcases her strengths: “ Yes, I agree, that would help solve X problem we are facing. ” With this structure - and quite a bit of practice - Tracey now feels she can then prep herself as to how and where she can voice her contribution in an authentic way. A way that still feels like her but in a way that gets her heard. Finally, we also talked about referencing Tracey’s style in meetings to give context and increase engagement with colleagues. It's also a way to ease herself out of her comfort zone, for example: “ You know I like to reflect, and I will certainly do that, but my initial thought is X. However, let me come back to you with further insights .” And, to show how she adds a different perspective, I suggested she articulate which lens she is using, for example: “ With my team manager hat on, my view (or question) would be that we think about X. ” or “ With my engineering lead hat on, how do you see that feeding into the product strategy longer term? ” It will take practice, but in just one coaching session, Tracey has gained both the confidence and tools she needs to address feedback and make her voice heard again. And still be her. If you’d like to speak up more and be heard in meetings for the right reasons, why not get in touch and let me help you understand your style, what value you bring and how to find the right questions? Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . And this article from Forbes shows how speaking up strategically is a career superpower. Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

When looking up a recipe recently, I laughed out loud at cook and food writer Rachel Kelly’s line, “cue readers’ eye-rolling and thoughts of course you make your own bread, you’re a Guardian reader. I bet you knit your own lentils too’…” I laughed because I’m guilty of that stereotyping, thinking that back-to-nature efforts are just too ‘mung bean’ and ‘worthy’ for a pragmatist/realist like me to bother with. But I've noticed a correlation between mindfulness and confidence, especially in our ever-busier world, where change is hitting us with velocity and we struggle to be heard. Slowing down and being more aware of your brain and emotions boosts your confidence Like my derision of the ‘mung bean’ brigade, I had an equally dismissive view of mindfulness, largely because, like well-being before it, mindfulness has become a catch-all/solve-all panacea for the ills and unhappiness of the modern world. But there is something at the core of mindfulness and the value of meditation - taking time to think - that even non-hippies like me can benefit from. Being present and being aware aren’t bad things. Ever. Far too often, we rush into things on autopilot, racing around the track to get to the finish line and jumping in, doing what we’ve done before to get a task completed, whether or not (usually not) that delivers the best result or the highest quality. We’re too busy being busy to be aware of what we are doing or why. Based on decades of professional and coaching experience, I have seen it proven that: If we spent a bit more time thinking and a bit less time dashing about, then we’d be happier AND more effective in our work. The dictionary definition of meditate is ‘to plan something in your mind; to consider doing something; synonym – contemplate.’ Planning is good. Consideration is good. Contemplation… good. So, why don’t we do more of them? And why aren't we doing more to link confidence and mindfulness? People with admirable professional presence project calm, strength and awareness. People with gravitas do not dash. They don't scurry around looking in a flap. No, they might walk fast, but they stride with purpose. Confident people sit still. They are present, grounded. They reflect. They are incisive and decisive because they are clear about what needs to happen to get the right result. They cut through the noise to get to what is important. They will be very busy, but there is a huge difference between being busy and being productive. Busyness is damaging us , our happiness, our effectiveness and our ability to do good work. Competitive busyness is a workplace disease that is infecting our ability to produce and perform, to create, to advance, to deliver, to appreciate. Making the time to think, meditating on the best way to do something, contemplating options until we find the right one…that’s what we need to be doing more of. If you’re overwhelmed by being busy and would like to feel more effective, why not get in touch for some Career Therapy and talk to me about easy steps that can take the pain out of your work life? I promise I won’t make you chant or meditate! Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control .  Rachel Kelly is the author of the food blog Marmaduke Scarlet   Photo by  Anna Seang on Unsplash

Knowing your worth through data creates a strong base for negotiation Successfully asking for a pay rise isn’t about money. Of course, it is  about money, but there’s far more to it than the figure itself. If it were only about salary, you’d resign and take the higher-paying role you’ve found elsewhere. Knowing how to ask for what you’re worth is a critical skill for your career growth and for building a strong sense of self. Asking for a pay rise is about understanding your value relative to your role, company and sector and then asking for that to be recognised. A Real World Example I mentor a Head of Product Development who joined a start-up a few years ago that started to rapidly scale. She recently faced a dilemma: should she leave for another start-up offering a massive pay hike, or stay where she is and ask for a salary that she thinks reflects her market worth? She has been in her current role for almost two years and has: Built her team from 5 to 15 people. Upgraded two core products. Initiated and is about to launch a third product. She was approached by recruiters and a headhunter for CTO roles at new, product-based start-ups. The pay was attractive, but the role itself would have been essentially the same as what she is has already done. If she stayed, she knew she had more room to grow with a company she understood, but she felt underpaid and undervalued. My client is detail-oriented and risk-averse, but was ready to take the leap for bigger money and the sense of worth that the figure gave her. She’d even gone as far as getting an offer in writing, thinking that would be a way to ask for more money where she is, but I quickly persuaded her to walk away from that approach. Why? Because: It amounts to a threat , which can damage relationships. Leaders may view it as a sign of disloyalty  or a “give me this or I leave” negotiating style If they call your bluff, you could unintentionally end up out the door. Using threats and demands are not traits that leaders want to see in their teams and we not going to get the desired result. So, how should you ask for more money in a positive, collaborative way? Here’s the method we used - it’s simple, structured, and proven to work: Step 1: Make Lists List your value, contributions, and future potential. Organise them into seven clear points : Points 1–3 highlight past contributions:  Three specific examples of where you’ve added value, showcasing the positive impact. Points 4–6 cover future impact:  How you will contribute going forward, ideally with realistic timescales. Point 7 covers salary expectations:  A market-informed range that gives parity with peers or reflects your worth, based on data (not hunches). Step 2: Frame the Conversation Highlight mutual investment : how you’ve invested in the company and how they’ve invested in you. Explain why now : after two years, the market has shifted, the operational environment has changed and it’s a natural point to reassess your value and trajectory. Keep it collaborative: the conversation is about aligning value, not issuing ultimatums. List the value you bring, show how you have contributed and demonstrate what future potential you have that will help bring even greater results. Talk about the joint journey so far and how, based on that mutual investment, you want to continue moving ahead on this journey together. For my client, this approach worked beautifully: She received a revised package  that reflected her contributions and market value. She felt energised and motivated  to continue adding value. Even if the answer had been no, she would have walked away with: A clear articulation of her worth. The satisfaction that she took action, rather than staying small. Negotiation skills she can use in future discussions. Confidence in assessing her market value. A win-win scenario for both her and her employer. The model works because it: Focuses on value , not just money. Encourages structured preparation  rather than emotional appeals - never an effective negotiating technique in business! Positions the conversation as collaborative , not confrontational. Bridges past contributions, future potential and market realities  in one clear framework. It’s a practical, repeatable approach that gives confidence, clarity and leverage without burning bridges. And it's done with respect - your own and your employers'. If you’d like help pinpointing your value and how to negotiate a pay rise, why not get in touch and see how you can learn this valuable skill? Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . and this article from Forbes: Ask for What You're Worth . Photo Алекс Арцибашев on Unsplash

Einstein, Nietzsche and Darwin all made time to think. Not do. Just think. Darwin had a “thinking path” he walked along, Nietzsche strolled in nature and Einstein daydreamed. They all valued the process of taking time to think. Taking time to think is powerful Working isn’t just ‘doing’. Working is allowing your brain to process new information, to bounce around ideas, sifting out the good from the mediocre. Letting the priorities rise up and the noise drift away. I recently set a task for a client who was struggling to get through her to-do list. I asked her to sit in a meeting room on her own, without her phone, a pen or any distractions. All she had was herself and her mind. Clearly, she thought I was out of mine! “How can that possibly help me get anything done?” she asked, horrified at the idea of ‘losing’ more time from her hectic day. She lasted 12 minutes before she bolted for the door and ran back to her desk. A week later, I was surprised but pleased to hear from her: “I did it. I sat there for 27 minutes. At first, I felt like I had before – an idiot. Stupid for sitting there, doing nothing and 'wasting' time. But then, I had an idea. I realised how to solve a problem. It was SO obvious. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before!” My client now has time blocked out in her calendar for ‘reflection and brain utilisation’, and not only is her to-do list being done, but she’s also thought of better ways to do things. Sometimes we need to stop doing and take the time to think. As my client discovered, you can actually get more things done and better if you just make the time. Science says the same - in a world where constant communication and numerous digital devices means we are constantly bombarded with information and choices, slowing down and making time to think maintains and improves our quality of work. Once you’ve taken some time to think, drop me a line and we can talk about helping you to work in a more structured, productive way. It's a way that will also grow your confidence, boost resilience and avoid overwhelm and burnout. Click on Book a call on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk   Why not follow me for more confidence boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly Career Therapy Newsletter ? It is packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Hourglass photo Andrej Lisakov on Unsplash

Do you worry about missing out? Are you diluting your attention, energy and impact? It’s very tempting to try and do everything all at once when you’re caught up in the excitement of starting a new business, a new role or when changing direction. Or if you’re someone who finds it hard to let go. Or if you want to be involved in everything and find it hard to stay in your lane. You have Pro-Fomo. Professional Fear of Missing Out is, ironically, one of the ways you will miss out. When you’re trying to be involved in everything, working excessively to try and clear that (unending) to-do list or be all things to all people, you will inevitably miss something. Or burn out trying. Your efforts and focus get diluted and, as can often happen, you don’t hit deadlines or meet expectations, your attention is divided and your energy diffused. The result – you don’t do a great job, or you do it too late. How do we solve this? Think of your work effort as a five-course fine dining experience rather than an all you can eat buffet. If you’ve ever heard of the 80/20 rule (also called the Pareto Principle ) then you’ll understand that 80% of your outcomes derive from 20% of your efforts. Think about it for a moment. Are you focusing your efforts where you’ll get the most results? Or are you watering down your results and impact by not being focused on the activities that really matter? To ensure success it’s advisable to have a plan – and stick to it. Like a menu. It sets out in detail the stages we can expect, they have a logical flow and they complement one another. You could use also use the Eisenhower Matrix to help you decide what is more important and where to focus your attention. Plan your work or ‘courses’ so there is an engaging and interesting introduction that you build momentum from as you move forward, perhaps with a few flourishes or hidden ingredients to draw attention but always following a defined direction. That way, your efforts will bring rewards. You’ll be seen as strategic, sharp-minded and focused on the things that matter. If you’re trying to do everything and not do anything particularly well, why not try a session of Career Therapy and find your focus? Swap Pro-Fomo for clarity and direction and move your career forward with confidence. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo by Marten Newhall on Unsplash

There are hard and soft ways to say No. Both can be effective Search online and there are pages and pages (and pages) of links to advice and techniques on how to say no. Interestingly, the vast majority focuses on the challenge of saying no. There are myriad variations on “how to say no” titles, assertiveness techniques and my personal favourite, “ How to say no and still be liked .” What I struggled to find was material on how to say 'no' rather than 'NO'. In the work that I do with executive women in their mid-late careers, it's a recurring theme of not knowing how to say no in a way that is effective. We cover: – How to soften directness so you don’t shut down the conversation and look rude – How to manage a no without confrontation or leaving the other party feeling aggrieved – How to say no but ensure the other party is still willing to engage and contribute I’m sure I haven’t invented it and it probably has a fancy title, but I call my technique ‘bridging’ and like so many things I love, it’s clear and simple.  This is how it works: imagine you’re a project manager and a client relationship manager wants to bring forward a deadline to keep a client happy. But it can’t be done, it’s just not possible. The CRM wants to tell the client it could be possible in order to keep them engaged but you’re concerned that such action will cause problems rather than solve them. What do you do? Tell the CRM that the answer is no and that they shouldn’t talk about it? You could. But it might be too blunt for them if you just shut down the idea. It might even generate conflict and make the issue bigger than it needs to be, leaving you and the CRM on opposite sides. Instead, you could build a bridge and ask the CRM to cross it, to get them to your side. Sound good? Yes, but how do you do that? A short option is: “I appreciate that this is not the answer you are looking for, but for X and Y reasons, we are not able to move the deadline.” You’re there, I’m here, there’s a gap in the middle, but acknowledging the reasons will help you move from where you are to where I am. You are listening to them and, perhaps more importantly, they feel that you are listening to them . A more detailed option could be: “As the project manager, my responsibility is to get the project delivered to plan. I appreciate that as CRM your role is to keep the client engaged and I do understand why you are asking for this. I can assure you I have looked at the request and considered all possibilities, but for two reasons, the answer is no. Firstly (give the reason) and secondly (give the reason). Based on those reasons, can we agree that you’ll tell the client the deadline can’t be moved? And can we agree you won’t mention the possibility?” Essentially, I’m here, you’re there, but these reasons will enable you (or force you) to come across to my side. To generate goodwill and reinforce collaboration, you could offer to help in another way, still adding value but by different means to help ease the other person across to your side. The key to this technique is acknowledging difference, putting it out there that you’re on different sides – and not pretending otherwise. Those sides might be role-based, like the example above, or they might be based on other factors such as experience levels, cultural differences or industry sector. This technique of softening a ‘NO’ to a ‘no’ has brought success for my clients and for me in my business. If you’d like some help saying no (or even yes), then why not get in touch for a chat? Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo by Morgan Bryan on Unsplash

Confidence can grow under any conditions I spoke to a client recently who said, “I’m not confident.” Full stop. Absolute. No nuances or wavering. In their view, not being confident was fixed (like concrete), an innate part of who they are.   My height is fixed – thankfully north of 5’1 but regrettably south of 5’3. My eye colour is not going to change (though I was once tempted by a pair of blue-tinted contact lenses) and my sense of smell will, sadly, never be very good.   These are part of a set of characteristics that form who I am, things I can cite when asked to describe myself. Some are absolute, some have nuances, but they aren’t going to waver very far.   But there are parts of me that are far from fixed, that are in fact highly flexible and ripe for growth. My confidence is one of those characteristics.   Let’s think about it. Confidence is made up of three key components Evidence - of past successes and/or times when I’ve felt confident, capable and courageous Attitude - self-awareness, self-kindness and self-efficacy (and self-boosted bravery) Control - taking charge and choosing how you react (and not people pleasing)   Remember, for most of us, confidence is often something that is highly situational. How confident I am reflects what I am doing, where I’m doing it and who I’m doing it with or for.  My husband may disagree, but I can say I’m confident that I can cook an edible meal. But if I were doing it for guests, I would feel less confident. If I were doing it with Gordon Ramsay, less confident again and if it were for a wedding… well, let’s just say I would walk out and let Gordon take care of it. I am aware of both his culinary expertise and my culinary limits.   Confidence is malleable and shifts depending on the circumstances; it’s not like my height, which after the age of 11 steadfastly refused to increase. Confidence rises and falls, it is highly dependent on ability, experience and self-awareness, and beyond this, it shapes itself according to a range of factors. The fact that we can lose confidence and have it eroded by toxic situations shows that confidence is not fixed. And therefore can be rebuilt. And if that has happened, a situation that has eroded your confidence, you can reclaim it. Rebuild it to be stronger, more resilient to external pressures and influences. Trust me, I’ve done exactly that, so I know not just that it’s possible but also how to do it - read How to grow your confidence in 5 steps . Even if it feels irrecoverable, confidence is not lost forever, maybe just for now. I can help you find it, grab it and claim it as yours again. And once you have it, you can face your fear, stop procrastinating and take action to be the new version of you. A you that feels energised, not tired, determined, not dithering and brave… with not an imposter in sight and those limiting beliefs, limited.   A session or two of Career Therapy with me as your coach can help you see how to recover and grow your confidence. Let's explore how with a free intro chat. I promise you that it won’t be as hard as you might think it is! Click on Book a call on the website or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more impactful confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk   What's stopping you?   Really, what is  stopping you? If you aren’t sure, then we definitely need to chat! Speak to you soon… Divorce mediator and psychologist Steven Unruh published this helpful article on raising self-esteem to help reclaim confidence. And here are more Career Therapy articles on careers and confidence Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Photo by Getty Images on Unsplash+