Did your brain go to a negative next step to complete that line? It’s quite common. It seems the majority of us are wired to be cautious and many of us second-guess ideas, choices and decisions, employing our fears to highlight areas of caution and create reasons not to do, think or try things.
Wondering ‘what if’ isn’t a bad thing, in fact, using analysis of factors and outcomes helps us play through different aspects of a situation, find novel/better options and generate new insights. Asking ‘what if’ opens a door to possibilities, it “invites speculation and imagination to dance hand in hand” according to ChatGPT. Quite poetic really. Certainly powerful.
What if we took a different path? What if we dared to act on an idea or desire? What if it went wrong? What if we made a mistake? What if… is certainly a phrase loaded with potential, capable of generating both excitement (positive) and trepidation (negative). Glass half full or half empty? It’s both at the same time, but only because we choose to see it one way or another.
In her blog Negative What Ifs Do Not Exist psychotherapist Claudia Lewis says negative what ifs come from a single emotion – fear. “We feel scared and anxious and so we attach the fear to a future circumstance in an effort to control the outcome. What if the world ends? Well, it might…or it might not. And this is the problem with negative what-ifs. We are jumping into future time to put a negative outcome on an event that has not happened.”
My mother has a perpetually negative future view where fear and judgemental what ifs are launched to discourage courage and replace it with caution…and the opportunity for judging if you ‘get too big for your boots’ or take a misstep. (Interestingly her past view is equally negative with the frequently shared ‘I bet you wish you’d…’ but that’s for another day and blog). What if it goes wrong? OK, it could, but what if it goes right? Why does it feel like it’s harder to look at the positive and be brave? Or maybe that’s just me…but I suspect it isn’t.
If you leave your job, you can get another. You got one before so…the evidence suggests you can do it again. Thinking, ‘I might never get employed again’ might be a real fear but focusing on that, catastrophising in that way of extremes will keep you stuck and afraid. Instead, try asking:
What’s the worst that can happen?
And what if this terrible thing your negative side foretold did happen? Well, maybe not the end of the world but something you fear like changing job and worrying it will be the wrong move? What if you did make the wrong choice? It could happen, but you would deal with it because we are also hardwired to survive. And you’d have learned something you could use to make better calculations and decisions in the future.
In addition – plug for the value of career caching - you could boost the chances of it not being the wrong choice by identifying your why before you move, being crystal clear on what you think the move will bring you and realistic about the opportunity and limits. Changing your job should be the outcome for change, not the reason.
Working through what if questions aids exploration and discovery. Doing it with a professional (like me) who can help you identity and examine the right questions to ask – or uncover the ones you’ve been dodging but know you need to answer – really can turbo charge the process because they’ve walked this path before and know how to get off the what if merry-go-round of fear and indecision.
Unlike an enthused friend on a night out, a coach won’t tell you to just do it, throw caution to wind and make it happen. But they will ask you questions. Some of my favourites include, ‘If you did do X, what’s the worst that could happen? And, what’s the best outcome?’ and ‘What do you need? What do you already have that could help you?’
Pondering and answering these questions can be hard. You have to recognise and challenge assumptions, but, equally, there’s an opportunity here to think and be more.
Chat GPT knows the power of a positive what if, “It embodies the spirit of curiosity, urging us to peer beyond the veil of certainty into the realm of conjecture, embracing uncertainty as a canvas upon which we can paint our wildest aspirations.” I wouldn’t claim each coaching conversation with me goes into such heady realms, but we can ‘peer beyond the veil of certainty’ together and have a good poke about to see what is or could be there.
Asking yourself some what ifs and facing the unknown (and unknowable) can take courage, and it can also lead you into some mental cul-de-sacs you’ll need to reverse out of. You may well rock the boat but…imagine what it would be like if you never tried? As brave, bold and brilliant Baz Luhrmann said, “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.”
Do you want to live in fear? Wouldn’t you like to see your life glass as half full, not half empty?
What if you faced the unknown with a sense of wonder and openness to possibilities rather than fear? Imagine…
If you’d like to swap your negative what ifs for positive possibilities, why not book a free discovery call with me and let’s chat about what’s stopping you and what could happen if you didn’t let it stop you?
Click on the Book a call button on the homepage.
Image Unsplash+ in collaboration with Alexander Mils
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