You CAN grow your confidence

Confidence can grow under any conditions

I spoke to a client recently who said, “I’m not confident.” Full stop. Absolute. No nuances or wavering. In their view, not being confident was fixed (like concrete), an innate part of who they are.

My height is fixed – thankfully north of 5’1 but regrettably south of 5’3. My eye colour is not going to change (though I was once tempted by a pair of blue-tinted contact lenses) and my sense of smell will, sadly, never be very good.

These are part of a set of characteristics that form who I am, things I can cite when asked to describe myself. Some are absolute, some have nuances, but they aren’t going to waver very far.

But there are parts of me that are far from fixed, that are in fact highly flexible and ripe for growth. My confidence is one of those characteristics.

Let’s think about it. Confidence is made up of three key components

• Evidence - of past successes and/or times when I’ve felt confident, capable and courageous

• Attitude - self-awareness, self-kindness and self-efficacy (and self-boosted bravery)

• Control - taking charge and choosing how you react (and not people pleasing)

Remember, for most of us, confidence is often something that is highly situational.

How confident I am reflects what I am doing, where I’m doing it and who I’m doing it with or for.

 My husband may disagree, but I can say I’m confident that I can cook an edible meal. But if I were doing it for guests, I would feel less confident. If I were doing it with Gordon Ramsay, less confident again and if it were for a wedding… well, let’s just say I would walk out and let Gordon take care of it. I am aware of both his culinary expertise and my culinary limits.

Confidence is malleable and shifts depending on the circumstances; it’s not like my height, which after the age of 11 steadfastly refused to increase. Confidence rises and falls, it is highly dependent on ability, experience and self-awareness, and beyond this, it shapes itself according to a range of factors.

The fact that we can lose confidence and have it eroded by toxic situations shows that confidence is not fixed. And therefore can be rebuilt.

And if that has happened, a situation that has eroded your confidence, you can reclaim it. Rebuild it to be stronger, more resilient to external pressures and influences. Trust me, I’ve done exactly that, so I know not just that it’s possible but also how to do it - read How to grow your confidence in 5 steps.

Even if it feels irrecoverable, confidence is not lost forever, maybe just for now. I can help you find it, grab it and claim it as yours again. And once you have it, you can face your fear, stop procrastinating and take action to be the new version of you.

A you that feels energised, not tired, determined, not dithering and brave… with not an imposter in sight and those limiting beliefs, limited.

A session or two of Career Therapy with me as your coach can help you see how to recover and grow your confidence. Let's explore how with a free intro chat. I promise you that it won’t be as hard as you might think it is!

Click on Book a call on the website or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk

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What's stopping you?

Really, what is stopping you? If you aren’t sure, then we definitely need to chat!

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Divorce mediator and psychologist Steven Unruh published this helpful article on raising self-esteem to help reclaim confidence. And here are more Career Therapy articles on careers and confidence Pick your shine time, 5 steps to building confidence and Want more confidence? Take control.

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