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Take control to be more confident Confidence is made up of several parts and one of those parts is control. When you feel more in control, you have more confidence. Want more confidence? Take control.   There are things you can control (your thoughts, actions and reactions) and things you can try to influence (other people’s thoughts, actions and reactions) and the rest of the universe that you have no control or influence over, despite your hardest efforts or wishes (the weather, keeping the cat off the kitchen counter, etc).   In psychology speak, this is called ‘ locus of control ’ and describes how we feel about the control of a situation. An internal  locus of control is when we feel we have a strong effect on what is happening. An external  locus of control is when we perceive that other people or factors are controlling the situation.   This idea of how we feel about control (and where it is/who has it) has a strong relationship with confidence. Our confidence understandably grows when we perceive we have control over what is happening. Conversely, that confidence shrinks when we feel like things are happening beyond our control and, even worse, get ‘out   of control’.   You feel more confident when you have control based on experience, like travelling somewhere new. Once you’ve done it the first time, your confidence grows and the negative naysayers in your head get less airtime. You can’t control the weather or if the train shows up on time, but you can control many other aspects of the journey and feel confident about it. We feel more confident when we are in control because we know what we are doing and what is expected. We know we have the knowledge/skills/resources required by the situation.  With different and evolving situations in the workplace, control is something that we may or may not always completely have, or even be close to having. As our confidence is strongly linked to how much we might feel in control of a situation, this locus of control can have a large impact on our approach to a situation and how we feel about it.   When we feel that we are capable of changing a situation, we brim with confidence, set a goal and a plan for achieving it, develop strategies, trust ourselves and our methods and remove the doubt that can get in the way of our aims and action. The mental naysayers get zero airtime. But when we place too much emphasis on what we cannot control, we push that locus of control away from us, lose confidence and create a more difficult environment for us to succeed in. We lose belief, we second-guess and we procrastinate. And the naysayers in our head win. Even if we cannot control all aspects of a situation, we can control our reactions to it.  “My boss is making me have sleepless nights,” said a client last week. No, they aren’t, thought I. They aren’t at your house poking you with a stick whilst you wriggle about under the duvet. You (client) are allowing  your boss to have control over the situation. You are giving up your control because you don’t feel  or think you have any choice. And when we probed further, it became clear that part of the wider situation causing the sleepless nights is that the client felt their confidence was being eroded by this person they had handed their control over to.   So, how do they take it back? They choose to. If we decide to stop reacting and handing over control, quite simply, we have more control. Give less away = keep more. And that will impact how we see a situation and reframe what is happening.   Your confidence can be raised by taking more control. (And limiting air time for the naysayers).   Confidence can  be changed and working on locus of control is one aspect that I focus on with my clients. The aim is to guide you to see more clearly where you are in the workplace structure and culture, so you can identify and ask for what you want and control the direction that your career is taking.   You can’t always change things, but you can change how you react to them – and how you feel and think about them. Shifting your perception of who has control – and taking more control – enables you to feel stronger and increase your confidence, positively impacting your workplace situation and helping you feel happier and more capable at work. It’s work I do with my clients every week and they say it gets results.   A session of Career Therapy with me as your coach can help you take control and see where the opportunities are to think, feel and act differently about what is going on around you. Let's explore how with a free intro chat.   Click on 'Book a call' anywhere on the website or email me: louise@careertherapy.co.uk   And don't forget to check out other posts on Career Therapy Instagram and LinkedIn for more impactful confidence-boosting tips and tools, including this one on how to grow your confidence .   What's stopping you? Think about how having just a little more control would feel...and what you'd feel able to do. These tips from Calm on taking control of your life can also help you find balance and build resilience. If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Photo on  Unsplash

Do you know how to stand out at an interview? If you are in the process of interviews, then you will be focused on this question and you may be asked it directly. Here's how to answer: "Why should we hire you over other candidates?" So, how do you stand out in a crowd when you don’t know who makes up that crowd, but you do know that they have similar skills and experience to you? It might sound like a difficult thing to do, but it’s actually a great question to be asked because it gives you a forum to show just how amazing you are across the four key criteria for being a good hire: You have the skills, experience and knowledge to do the job You can make a positive impact and deliver results You’ll have shared values and will be a good cultural fit for the immediate team and wider business You have the passion and commitment to be successful, which you can demonstrate by showing a strong understanding of what is required in the role Create an answer that covers these areas with an eye (as always) to the job description and company website. Given that you and the other candidates have point 1 covered – otherwise you wouldn’t have got the interview – focus here on specifics and combinations of skills, experience and knowledge from your career that make you unique. And if you’ve already answered questions around skills and experience, briefly recap what you said and focus instead on the other areas. Being prepared, calm and confident will make you stand out too, so be sure to invest the time and effort to create and practise your script. If you’d like to grow your confidence in interviewing or would like help preparing your scripts, why not get in touch and see how a session of Career Therapy can help you? Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Check out my other articles on interview success , including 'Tell me about yourself' and 'Why do you want to work here?' And the Harvard Business Review article on how to answer the 'Why should we hire you?' question. Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Photo by Getty Images on Unsplash

Warm up for interview success - body, mind and voice Do you warm up before you run? Stretch as you start a yoga session? Ever thought of doing that before an interview? If not, why not? It could give you the edge. Let's talk about the importance of warming up for interview success. I prep my clients for interviews and hold mock sessions to see how they perform. Even with the most diligent preparations for content, about 80% of the time, clients hit their stride after 20-30 minutes, which is too late on the day to make a good impression. So, what’s the answer? Warm up and be ready to GO! In addition to your content prep, plan for mind and body prep: Mind – Identify a time when you felt confident. Relive that moment, how it felt to be there, how you felt…let that strength fill you up. Tell yourself how confident you feel. Voice – I’m not suggesting yodelling, gargling or operatic scales but warming up your vocal chords is vital to establishing flow and projecting confidence. Talk to yourself (or someone else) for 10-15 minutes before the interview, ideally about something you feel positive and confident about. Or try these acting techniques . Posture – You’ve already made sure your camera is at eye level (you have, haven’t you?) and that your chair is the right height for/distance from the camera. You know to sit with your weight on your thighs, not your bottom to keep you from fidgeting (you’ve practised, haven’t you?), so what else do you need to do? Rolling your shoulders and stretching your neck is good so you release any tension and don’t start the interview looking scrunched. Lungs – Breathing techniques help to regulate nerves and your voice will sound stronger if you open your chest up. Try pulling your shoulder blades together and see what a difference it makes to keeping your voice steady, lower and slower. You have to be ready to make that great first impression. If you don’t grab your interviewer's attention right away with strong presence, you’ll lose them; they will already have made their mind up about you. Be warmed up and ready when you go into that room, or join that call. Practice all the above, then do it again. Get a friend to help you, or try some action-focused coaching sessions to feel ready and confident to ace the interview. If you’d like some help to get interview-ready and warm up for success, why not get in touch and see how a session of Career Therapy can help you? Book a free intro call and let’s chat. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Check out my other interview advice and tips. Why not follow me for more confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova | Unsplash

In my younger life, I was often surprised (and irritated) that people didn’t do things the way I did them and didn’t see the world the way I saw it. How do you measure what you are good at? When I switched careers and retrained in psychology and HR, I started to understand that people’s brains process and comprehend information in different ways. Very different ways. With the ignorance of youth, I’d assumed that other people were being stupid when they couldn’t do things I took for granted and asked what I thought were obvious questions. I was also ignorant about myself, not understanding that my own skills and abilities, things I could do so well that I took them for granted, were valuable to others. I just did those things. I didn't have to think about them. And that lack of self-awareness wasn’t limited to me, as I was reminded when starting with a new career transition client. Let’s call her Lucy. Lucy’s role was being made redundant and she needed to apply for new roles. After our introductory chat, I asked Lucy detailed questions about her work experience and anticipated next steps. I then asked her what her strengths and special skills were… and she went quiet. After a mildly awkward silence, she said: “I don’t have any.” It was a surprise because she’d just spent 10 minutes telling me all about her (extensive) work experience and what made her (amazingly and measurably) good at her job. Now, anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m rarely stuck for words, but on this occasion I truly was. How could she not see how incredibly strong her skills, experience and attitude were? It was obvious to me. But not to Lucy. She just said: “There’s nothing special about me, I just do my job.” She wasn’t being modest, she was genuinely perplexed that the complex tasks she performed each day couldn’t be done by, as she put it, ‘just about anyone with half a brain.’ I gently pushed and asked her, 'Are you just doing your job?' Lucy didn’t see how great her skills were because she used them every day and assumed everybody could do what she did. They can’t. Trust me. That conversation got me thinking about skills and behaviours we take for granted and the other times clients, friends and people I speak to don’t realise they have a skill or special ability because “it’s just what I do.” Women especially underestimate the value of their skills and experience. We need to get better at recognising our strengths - and talking about them. Giving 110%, sticking with it to get the job done, questioning, showing empathy and exercising judgement are all behaviours that, I find, we take for granted when we have and use them. And we say 'just' automatically, but by doing so, we diminish our strengths, abilities and unique combo of experience. Similarly, being innately organised, multi-tasking, building relationships, managing difficult conversations and solving problems are skills we often forget that we have after we’ve been using them for years at home and work or because they are just a part of who we are - we don’t think of them as special or valuable skills. One of the biggest barriers to achieving skills and strengths awareness is that we don’t stop to think about our skills and behaviours, so it’s surprisingly powerful when a client talks about what they do for a few minutes and I then play back to them how many skills I spotted as they were talking. If you’re struggling to understand what you’re good at or find it hard to articulate your strengths, then a session of Career Therapy will help you. You might not see at first what makes you strong because it’s ‘just' who you are, but I can help you objectively see your abilities. In a way that you can own them, answer the question ' tell me about yourself ' without squirming and be proud to shout about them (because it's not bragging if it's true). Why not give it a try? What's stopping you? Click on Book a call on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk   Check out my articles on how to know your strengths and grow your confidence . And look at some of the online tools to help you identify your strengths. Why not follow me for more confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo by  Markus Spiske  on  Unsplash

Knowing the steps you can take makes it easier to see your direction and progress A lack of confidence can be a very real barrier to career success and being fulfilled at work. It might stop you from putting yourself forward for opportunities, voicing your ideas or pulling back when faced with a new or challenging situation. It can also hinder how well you ‘sell’ yourself in interviews. Some people have a lot more confidence than others, but for those who lack confidence and experience low self-esteem, there are things you can do to help you reach a place where you feel more confident. Here is how you can build confidence in 5 steps: Step 1 is acknowledging what is going on . Put simply, to plan a journey, you need to understand where you are starting from. Most low self-esteem or lack of confidence comes from the past and negative messages we have received, though there are also people who naturally think less of themselves, are prone to anxiety or set impossibly high standards that they fail to reach. Whatever the root, we build up an image of ourselves that is either totally or partially negative. We might say things like ‘I’m bad at interviews’ or I’m no good at asking for something I want’ and over time, we start to believe these things are true - and unalterable. The key to addressing these inhibiting and self-sabotaging beliefs is to look for evidence. A coach can help you here by listening and asking you questions such as ‘Where do you think that comes from?’ and ‘Is that always the case?’ If one of your beliefs is ‘I’m bad at interviews’, but you have a job, then at some point that statement has to have been proven untrue. Pinpointing when you started to think the negative thoughts can be helpful. With hindsight and life experience on your side, you might realise the source and challenge it, or at least set it in context. Often negative beliefs start in childhood and so it is a vital step to see them – and the source – for what they were and how they are impacting us even now. And that can help us put them in perspective. Applying logic and looking for evidence to contradict the negative belief can be transformative and free you to let go of the belief because you realise it’s simply not true, or not true anymore. Other times the process is more evolutionary, where the evidence is more subtle and your belief is no longer true ‘all the time’.  To further lessen the power of negative thoughts, focus more on positive ones. Start a list of things you are good at, for example, I’m a good listener, I get things done on time, people can rely on me. If my clients struggle with this in a work context, we look at personal positives. Being good at cooking requires planning, visualisation, organisation, strong time management, budgeting and multitasking. It can also require you to use risk assessment techniques [is the oven too hot?], push the boundaries of accepted thinking [I like salt, I’ll add a bit more than the recipe says], resource management [we’re going to need more milk], stakeholder management and communications [I know you’re hungry but it will only take five more minutes] and expectation management [no, it doesn’t look like the picture but it tastes good]. Through either or both approaches, you can start to break down seemingly permanent negative aspects of your personality and move on from them. They are no longer absolutes and you can move away from them to define you, your future and your true potential. Step 2 is focusing on your strengths . You might use an online assessment tool such as ( Clifton Strengths  or  StrengthsProfile ), or you can simply start to make a list. The goal is to identify what your strengths are so you focus on those instead of weaknesses. I’m not good with following detailed processes, my brain just refuses to go in straight lines. I used to focus on this, compare myself to others to reinforce my negative belief that I was rubbish and failing, and I gave it a lot of worry space.  But – big BUT and major revelation – once I recognised my strengths lay in other areas, I realised it was OK to not be good at detailed processes. More than that, it was liberating. Other people are skilled in following detailed processes and can do this far more effectively than I can. And I can step aside and let them get on with it whilst I shine for seeing connections, solving problems and being amazing at getting people on board with ideas.  My guiding ethos since then has been that you’ll increase your confidence and see more progress in life and your career by focusing on your strengths. You can take your strengths from good to great and great to amazing once you know and optimise them, but you’ll rarely get beyond competent by spending time trying to polish up a weakness. Reviewing your list of strengths with someone – or a few people – is a powerful way to help you identify other strengths, especially as people often see us in ways we don’t see ourselves. And it might be that you ask a cross-section of people that you know from different situations in your life to get more perspectives and data. Fundamentally, big or small, common or unique, we all have strengths and gathering evidence of them helps us be more positive about what we are capable of. Step 3 centres on detoxing to eliminate negative influences . These might be energy-draining relationships and/or demanding situations. With the former, try to spend less time around people who take more from you than they give and focus your time on interacting with people who appreciate you, energise you and make you feel good about yourself. With the latter, you may need to learn how to say ‘no’ to people. This can be tough at first, but there are tools and techniques to help you. (Check out my newsletter for practical tips.) One of the tools is to ask yourself, ‘Why is that person’s time/input/demand more important than mine? Step 4 is the energy step . This is where you find ways to assert and challenge yourself. Start small and build up confidence as more and more things go well and you say more positive things about yourself than negative. Gather the evidence every time you take a forward step so you can keep challenging those negative beliefs and stop self-sabotaging. If you believe that you are bad at interviews and no one will ever employ you, and feel it’s not worth making an application for a job, then research what interviews are about and how to prepare for them. Then prepare. There are multiple articles, tips and videos online to help you identify the types of interview questions you’ll face and how to prepare to answer them well. Then practice. Record yourself, watch it back. Practice with someone and ask for feedback. Keep practising and getting feedback to improve until you have the evidence and feel confident that you can, in fact, do well at an interview. (Check out my article on warming up for interview success .) If you’re really struggling, look for role models who project confidence and copy them. How do they stand, how do they hold themselves, how do they speak, what is their face doing? Do what they do and you can find your inner strength. Or at least you’ll be able to project confidence so you sound convincing. Eventually, you’ll start to believe it and it will feel more natural. Step 5 is about how you see and talk about yourself . If you say negative things about yourself, then you are inviting other people to see you that way. Being kind to yourself, giving yourself recognition and thinking positive thoughts goes a long way to diminishing the power of negative, confidence-draining beliefs. How you used to be and what happened to you in the past does not have to define you now. You might have been a precocious child who was criticised for being disruptive in class and too keen to follow your own direction, but is that still who you are now? And is it an issue in your professional life? As long as you see the strength in it and recognise the effect your behaviours have on others, then you can move away from the negative messages you received and harness your intellect, energy and drive for excellence. One way to see if you are being unkind to yourself is to ask yourself what you would say if you heard a friend or colleague talking down their abilities and saying how terrible they are at something. We can be harder on ourselves and kinder to others, so turn the tables and think about what you would say in that situation, then say it to yourself. If you’d like to talk about how your negative beliefs are holding you back or would like help identifying and optimising your strengths so you can feel more confident, then please get in touch and let's see where a session of Career Therapy can take you. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control .  Photo by Alex Shuper  on Unsplash

To some degree, we can choose how we experience the world around us and control our response I was browsing the Daily Stoic website and one of the posts talked about stress being a fact of life and that being stressed, feeling stressed, is a choice. There has always been stress, life can be hard and harsh things happen that we have to deal with, but the idea from this post appears to be that we choose whether to feel the stress, to allow it to have power over our minds (and bodies). Things that need doing are a fact of life. My endless lists and crammed calendar clearly show me that. So I looked at my life with the same lens and realised: Overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed is my choice . Despite feeling that being busy is unavoidable, I am the one saying yes, so I feel the need to acknowledge that I am over-committing and making myself feel stressed and overwhelmed. Back to the Stoics – the workload is a stressor, but how I react, how I manage my mental reaction and how I choose my perspective on it is my choice. It sounds harsh because, well, the truth can be hard. And I was living my own (self-made) hard truth. I have ‘over-commitment-itis’, an affliction that causes me stress, results in long hours and makes me cross that I don’t have time to do other (nicer) things. It could also be called 'poor-boundary-itis' or 'can't-help-myself-itis' or even 'I-value-my-time-less-than-others-itis' - all self-generated and not uncommon afflictions, especially in women of my generation. I’ve always loved the thrill of a big event to organise or a problem to solve. I’m energised by mental challenges and delighted by the power of organisation, getting the right things in the right place at the right time to fix something. I love being busy and useful. And needed. I like helping, I like knowing things and being able to do things that help other people. But mostly I like the buzz of busy-ness. Or I did. I stepped out of the ‘rat race’ ten years ago after seven years of trying to be a ‘people person’ in investment banking that wasn't focused on 'people' people and finding myself physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I wanted something different, something MORE. The space to explore and grow, time to read and learn, and opportunities to try new things. And more time to just be, to enjoy the present as much as, if not more than racing to the future and pitting myself against those enticing and increasingly dreaded deadlines. In the intervening years, I realised some of my dreams – I visited Japan, left London for sunnier skies, created a beautiful garden and adopted a dog. I also engineered a complete, successful and enriching career change. And I love my life. I’m surrounded by a life I chose and made real. So, how did I get to the point of feeling burnt out and being drained again? It’s been a phase since last year when I adopted an ‘I can’t go anywhere or do anything because of COVID, so I might as well work’ mentality. And I am aware that I’m very, very fortunate to have work available. In my line of business, it’s capricious, it comes and goes outside my influence, so when it came, I grabbed on with both hands and did not let go. But, many months later, after the adrenaline rush of being über busy has faded, I’m still working 10-hour days, waking up tired and feeling mentally burned out. Why am I choosing this? Because I am choosing it. I'm my own boss, literally and figuratively. Looking out of the office window and realising spring was arriving and my garden would be a beautiful and fulfilling place to spend much, much more time, something needed to change. I needed to change. So, I did something very simple.  I stopped. I thought consciously about what I was doing and, more importantly, about why I was doing it. I wrote two notes on very bright, impossible-to-miss paper and stuck them on the sides of my screen – ‘just say no’ and ‘my time is precious’. They worked. Well, I like to tell myself they did. I took them down and showed them to clients to encourage them to take charge of their activities and define – and follow through on – best practice. I certainly put them into action and now intentionally plan my week. Do I slip? Yes. Do I try again. Absolutely. Considering how, when and what to say no to can be a challenging but essential way to improve your productivity and effectiveness in both the workplace and life in general. Remember to give yourself permission and time to reflect on what you’re doing and WHY. And if you have a moment, read this post Taking The Time To Think to help you on the way. And this one on How to Say No . If you’d like help with creating a more stress-free environment while navigating your career path, get in touch. And look at pictures of cute dogs to make you smile. Click ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo Matthew Henry on Unsplash

Speak up for yourself. If you don't, who will? 'Tell me about yourself' should be a very easy question to answer, but if we don't feel comfortable talking about ourselves, then at an interview or when networking, many of us stumble and either blurt out our life story or recite our CV starting from when we left school. Neither of those is the desired answer! Instead, we want to be communicating our brand and value. So, here is a simple, structured way to answer this question successfully. Let’s think about why the question is asked. Well, it signifies that you are several things: articulate and self-aware can select relevant information to share can communicate information clearly and concisely In addition, the answer gives evidence of achievements and sets the scene to talk further about your strengths and the results you deliver as the conversation develops. Back in 2019, I published a blog on how to approach this question, but many requests for help along the lines of “OK, I get that, but how do I actually write it?’ have come in, so here is a step-by-step guide. What you need to create is a pitch or value proposition that demonstrates what you bring to a role, how you generate results and add value. So, it’s just not about you as a professional, it’s about how you contribute to a business and have impact. There are various formulas you can follow, but this is my go-to and it’s been very successful with clients: Who you are (i.e. role or job title) What you do/cover Two or three of your key strengths A brief example or two of the value you bring/outcomes you generate Whistle-stop career journey/your career foundation What you are looking for in the future That’s it. Almost. You need to do all of that in no more than two minutes. It’s brief and concise, so think of it as just a few sentences. Here’s an example: “I’m a career and transition coach who focuses on helping people identify their strengths and use them to be happier and more productive at work. I do this by using key abilities in listening and asking questions (sometimes tough questions) to challenge clients to think in new ways and move out of their comfort zone. I’m action-focused and partner with clients to set and achieve goals that are both realistic and aspirational and I’ve helped over 200 clients move their careers forward. I’ve changed career twice and that’s what led me to my own practice, which has now been running for 10 years. Looking ahead, I’d like to explore how technology can help me connect with people and coach in new ways.” And this is 44 seconds when I say it out loud. Here’s another example: “I’m a sales strategy leader with over 25 years’ experience shaping the vision and strategy for telecoms and tech providers and translating that into actionable Go-To-Market activity. We operate now with a new type of client base and my key strength is championing new ways of thinking to engage digitally native customers, disrupt market norms and exceed customer expectations. I’m known for my ability to embrace ambiguity and operate in challenging market conditions and I’m recognised for navigating complex organisational structures and creating roadmaps that clearly define how teams and functions will collaborate to move forward and how that will feed into the bigger picture of business strategy. My career foundation was built at TechCorp where I came up through the ranks from computing sales before gaining broader experience in marketing, data and forecasting. I moved into telecoms eight years ago and have enjoyed the challenge of a new sector and have driven the UK business to outperform expectations by 26% over two years. In my next role, I’m keen to see how we can innovate around GTM strategies and transform how we engage with our customer base.” A little longer at 65 seconds but it’s still plenty of information to effectively answer the ‘tell me about yourself’ question and provide a springboard for a deeper conversation. If you need some help identifying your value proposition and putting your pitch together, why not get in touch for a session of Career Therapy? Click on Book a call on the website or email me louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk And check out this related post on your brand and for a comprehensive intro to developing your personal brand, I highly recommend Susan Chritton's Personal Branding for Dummies . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly Career Therapy Newsletter ? It is packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo by Alexander Mills on Unsplash

We say sorry when we are not sorry - and don't need to be Sorry! Are you? Or is it just a reflex to say that? Something you don’t even notice you are doing… Stop saying sorry. Or at least understand why you are doing it and build self-awareness and self-confidence. While apologising is, of course, necessary and powerful at times to demonstrate connection and empathy, women often use it as a ‘polite’ or socially conditioned gesture. STOP saying sorry when you've done nothing wrong! Social and gender norms create different communication patterns where women end up feeling more pressure to avoid conflict as we are more attuned to social friction. We might apologise more frequently because of these societal expectations that we should be polite or deferential, especially in work or mixed-gender settings where, as women, we may unconsciously feel the need to step back or avoid being perceived as aggressive or confrontational. With conditioning, over time saying sorry becomes a reflexive behaviour that can be difficult to break but over-apologising, saying sorry excessively, can be damaging, undermining a woman’s confidence, authority and credibility This is especially in professional settings but it impacts in social ones too. If we over-apologise, it sends a signal that we are uncertain or lack of confidence, even when it's not the truth. It puts us in a lesser, inferior, subservient place. We downplay, covering up how we feel and keeping quiet about what we feel and really want to say. And when we do say what we want to say, we apologise for having feelings. We apologise when we cry because we’ve been taught it’s a weakness. It isn’t. Its humanity, emotions and expression and we are entitled  to feel. Did a parent deride you for crying? “What are you crying for?” as if you weren’t entitled to express an emotion, because it’s weak? What do you want to say -or shout - at that voice today? Do it. Even if they can’t hear you, you can . And you are not sorry for having emotions, are you? Think about all the times you might have apologised: We say sorry for simply being present, being here, taking up a space. We say sorry when a situation is awkward, as if we have to make it better for others. We are the first to step down, step back, step away. We say sorry before disagreeing with someone or expressing our disappointment to soften the impact and not rock the boat. We say sorry when WE have done nothing wrong, when others have. We say sorry when others should be. Why? Why are we sorry? Next time you hear yourself say sorry, ask what you are sorry for.  Is it just a reflex, conditioned response - and do you want to decondition? If you'd help to say sorry less and be more confident, c lick ‘Book a call’ on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more career confidence-boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control and this one, Mind the Sorry Gap by the Neural Lab. Photo by  Nick Fewings  on  Unsplash

Power words make your personal brand stand out Your personal brand defines you - it tells someone who you are, what you stand for, how you behave and communicate. It is a powerful tool to promote you and how you add value through the work you do. Power words make your personal brand stand out. So choosing the right words to describe what makes you uniquely you - your professional essence, if you like - is critical for career success. There are times of the year when updating your CV and exploring better options is popular, but keeping your CV and LinkedIn profile up to date regularly with current market vocabulary is a small but wise investment of time and effort. But what often holds us back from doing this is not knowing how to talk about who we are, what we do, all that we can offer and how we add value. These are all part of our personal brand that help us create professional presence and showcase our abilities, but where do we start? I published a post on how to Tell Me About Yourself , which I encourage you to read to develop a structure and script, so here let's get into the specifics of finding the right words with this powerful but simple exercise. STEP 1 What five words would you use to describe yourself? Distilling our essence down into just five words makes us hone in on our core self, what really makes us, us. Mine are: warm, curious, tenacious, reassuring, candid . How do I know that? Part self-reflection, but mostly what other people have said about me. Which leads us to... STEP 2 Ask 5-10 people what five words they would use to describe you. Try to make it a varied pool of people who know you in different contexts - family, friends, co-workers, former colleagues. That way, you get a broader perspective. Once you have the results, pop them in a table and take a look. This is where it gets really interesting because you will see themes emerging along with values. A family member might have said honesty and a colleague might say integrity, which are the same theme or category. Yes, you may have outliers, but in my experience, you will be able to draw out the key themes and choose the words that best represent these and match them to the words you chose. Do they align? Are there differences? If so, where? And what does that tell you about how you see yourself and are seen by others? STEP 3 Choose how you talk about your brand. Whilst you might be tempted to say 'I possess excellent interpersonal skills' on your CV (though I'd encourage you not to be so generic!), you are unlikely to speak about yourself that way. More likely, you would say something like 'I get along really well with people'. Consider the impact of the words you choose and ask if they are strong enough . CV-speak words like 'proficient' and 'adept' rarely sound authentic, so...don't use them. Use other, more personal and definite words to boost your brand. I also encourage you to play around with a thesaurus and swap words to hit the right note. If people say you are hard-working, you might choose 'dedicated' or 'determined' as professional alternatives that take your brand up a notch. We aren't looking for meaningless, empty labels, we are looking for what makes you, you at your core. Think about words that have impact, words that represent you at your best. (Remember, it’s not bragging if it’s true.) If you’d like some help defining the value of your brand and/or getting your CV and LinkedIn up-to-date, why not get in touch for a free intro call? I can help you find your ‘you’ words to power up your brand and professional presence. Click on Book a call on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more brand boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk Check out my article on How strong is your personal brand? And for a comprehensive, easy-to-follow intro, I highly recommend Susan Chritton's Personal Branding for Dummies . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Photo by Paul Campbell on Unsplash

Talking about yourself takes a change in attitude. Use data - it's not boasting if it's true. Tell me about yourself. Seems easy enough to answer, doesn’t it? You know all about yourself, don’t you? Does “Tell me about yourself” make you cringe? That's not unusual, it’s a tricky question to get right – especially when you have limited time to answer and can’t really say: “That’s a big topic, what specifically would you like to know?” There’s also the added pressure that this question can make or break an interview or dictate whether a networking meeting is productive. Unlike a competency or experience-based question at interview, you can’t use STAR or other helpful models to craft a structured answer. Or can you? The answer is…Yes, you can. And you should . The ‘Tell me about yourself’ question really can make or break your connection with an interviewer or contact, so make sure you are prepared. Use these three steps: Step 1 – Focus ‘You’ is a big, fascinating topic. We all have a backstory, unique experiences and events that have shaped who we are and how we come to be where we are. But everything you are and have ever done isn’t needed here. You’ve got 1 minute or maybe 2 to get the main points across and make a positive impression. Use your time wisely. Having a ‘pitch’ or value proposition is how to do it. And an effective pitch starts with a tagline, a personal brand statement that encapsulates what you are and what you have to offer. Mine is ‘I help women in mid-later career be more career confident and trade ambition for enrichment.’ It’s what I do, how I add value and also tells you about the kind of person I am.  I coached a recruiter recently and her pitch and CV profile start with ‘I help organisations find great talent.’ It tells you she’s experienced at recruiting and confident in her abilities. But, more than that, it tells you she works in partnership, doing what she does not for her own ego, but to bring great people together to move an organisation forward. Now, while self-belief and confidence are important, stating “I’m amazing” isn’t the way to start. Be more subtle, be a little humble (but not too humble). You may well be utterly amazing (or believe yourself to be) but there’s always room to improve, so weave your fabulousness into your story in more discreet ways. Making sweeping claims of how great you are will not help you build a connection and will turn people off. You’ll just come across as arrogant. And don’t make it all about you. It’s called a value proposition because it’s about how you can add value – by contributing to a business, by helping others, by connecting with people and sharing your knowledge and ideas. Focus on how you do that. Step 2 – Craft Three words to guide you as you set about crafting your PVP: – Relevant, Personal and Positive. Relevant Back to focusing, this time on what the person asking you the question is looking to find out. If it’s a job interview, then focus on the skills and experience in the role description and how you’d be able to add value. Look at the company culture and talk about experience and behaviours that would make you a good fit. Personal You are unique so don’t ‘bland’ that out by playing down your personality, background and experiences too much. An interesting fact about you could be the hook that catches someone’s interest and keeps it. Positive You want to be memorable, but make sure you’re memorable for the right reasons. Be selective and focus on something positive, an event or experience that has shaped your can-do attitude, your ability to empathise or pro-active behaviour. And be honest. Be truthful about how capable you are and why you’re there. We don’t have to be a trained professional to spot lies and bluster and even if we don’t know it, we have an innate ability to know if someone is being authentic or not. Step 3 – Practice (and practice and practice) Do you know how long 60 seconds is? Of course, you do. But do you know how long 60 seconds is when you have to listen to someone who isn’t saying anything that interests you? I recently ran a value proposition writing workshop with a group of internal recruiters and was astonished when they presented the propositions they’d been asked to create. Despite the guideline of 1-2 minutes, they went on and on and on until at 3 minutes, I cut them off. If you can’t articulate your value and capture attention in 30 seconds, it isn’t going to get better after 1 minute, let alone 3. Be concise. Less is definitely more. People can always ask you more questions, or if there’s an awkward silence, just ask “Would you like me to expand on that?” What they’d also not done was listen to  what  they were saying and  how  they came across. They’d written their propositions down, crafted them on screen or paper but then not spent any time practising how they sounded. And they all sounded like they were being read off the page.  I sent them away and asked them to record and time themselves, to play back their statements and cut the extra words, to tighten their points up, to make sure they sounded natural, confident but humble, authentic and engaging. That worked. They’d got it by the final go-around. There’s a lot to consider when answering the ‘Tell me about yourself…’ question, so if you’d like some help, why not try a session of Career Therapy? It will help you be more confident in articulating your value. Click on Book a call on the website for a free intro call or email me louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more confidence boosting tips, tool and talks: LinkedIn Louise Newton Instagram @career_therapy_uk And here is how to craft your answer to Tell me about yourself . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support, grounded in years of coaching experience - and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Header image by Daria Volkova on Unsplash

When I was younger, I struggled to meet people and make connections. I was awkward, didn’t know what to say or how to keep a conversation going. I’m still not a natural networker, but I’ve learned how to make it easier – questions. Good questions. There are so many questions.... I now have a stock list of questions and it never ceases to amaze me how much information people are happy to reveal. Or how happy some people are to talk about themselves! Asking good questions means you are able to connect with people and build rapport. Making connections is vital at work, to meet immediate needs as well as for long-term success. With connections, you gain knowledge and you receive support. Here are some of my staples for making connections at work: How long have you been interested in that (or worked in that area)? How do you stay motivated and focused? Do you think passion is more important than ability? Which part of your experience has been most valuable to you? What’s next for you in your work? What’s the best piece of career (or life) advice you’ve ever received? What advice would you give someone at the start of their career? What’s your view on….? Did you read/see xxx? Did you enjoy it? If you don’t feel comfortable, practise with a friend or in front of the mirror. Pretend to be more confident than you are (shoulders back, chin up) and then go and try it. It might take a few goes for you not to feel awkward but you’ll feel more confident after your first good conversation. Connecting with people can only make you stronger, so if you’d like help practising and building your confidence, why not book a session of Career Therapy and let me help you take the pain out of it? Click on Book a call on the website for a free intro call or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk   Why not follow me for more confidence boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk   And check out this related post on how to Tell me about yourself and this article from Forbes on how to Turn Strangers into Friends with 8 Great Questions . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly   Career Therapy Newsletter ? It’s packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Check out some of my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control .  Hello photo by  Jon Tyson  on  Unsplash Question mark photo by Alexander Mills on Unsplash

Iconic brands iPhone and YouTube Just how strong is your personal brand? What are you known for? Can you talk about why your brand is so strong or great? Do you even have a personal brand? Yes? Great, I’m sure you’re very successful. No? May I recommend you keep reading… I encourage people to introduce themselves to others and connect with them by leading with what they do and deliver, not their job title. Why? Well, it was a change I made a few years ago and the results have been astonishing. OK, so some people were impressed with “I’m an executive leadership and career coach”, but most just looked at me with a blank face or blatant disinterest. I get why. It’s too abstract. It means nothing to THEM, the people I’m trying to connect with. Now, I say, “I help women be more confident and able to talk about themselves,” and the result is very different. Every time I’ve said it (no lie), I’ve had a reaction. It sparks curiosity in other people and usually kickstarts a conversation. Why? Because THEY can relate to it. They know what being confident – or lacking confidence – at work feels like. It’s personal. It’s meaningful. And so, we spark a connection. Admittedly, my opening is sometimes met with “Really, are you a magician?” or “I could do with you helping me, I'm not very confident and I hate talking about myself”, but at least there’s an exchange and an opportunity to move the conversation in a more positive direction. So, how did I make the change? And how can you do it? It starts with noting down: – Who you are : what words you would use to describe yourself. Ask people for their ideas too, to gather vocabulary (and insight) – What you are : your job/area – Your expertise and strengths : think about your superpowers, the things you do really well and do better than others. Summarise your expertise and what makes you good at what you do – The impact you generate : the problems you solve and the benefits that brings to people and organisations – Your values : what’s important to you in your professional world and why? – Why you love what you do : what does it give you? The data that comes out of this reflective exercise gives you a framework and language to start playing with. Then, ask yourself – what happens when you do what you do? What’s the (desired) result? It might take some time to find the right definition and the right words, but keep playing until your concise, clear brand statement options surface. Talking it through and out loud can lead to lightbulb moments! Then test a few options on people you trust, get feedback and pick the best one. I accept that we need to talk about what we do and my second line when I introduce myself is exactly that. My third is how I do it. But I don’t ever lead with those now. So, what does your personal brand say about you? Is it compelling? Is it meaningful to other people? If you’d like help to define your brand and come up with a pithy one-liner that grabs people’s attention, and/or build your confidence talking about yourself, why not try a session of Career Therapy?   Click on Book a call on the website or email me at louise@careertherapy.co.uk Why not follow me for more confidence boosting tips, tools and talks: LinkedIn   Louise Newton Instagram   @career_therapy_uk Check out my post on Power Words Make Your Personal Brand Stand Out and for a comprehensive intro, I highly recommend Susan Chritton's Personal Branding for Dummies . If you'd like to receive no-fluff, practical insights direct to your inbox, why not sign up for the twice-monthly Career Therapy Newsletter ? It's packed full of thoughtful career support grounded in years of coaching experience...and real life. Check out my other articles on careers and confidence:   You can grow your confidence ,   Pick your shine time ,   5 steps to building confidence  and   Want more confidence? Take control . Photo by  Sara Kurfeß  on  Unsplash